What are habits and how it’s connected to our goals?

Hey there. Welcome to this first episode of my series on habits. I’m sure you’ve tried building or breaking habits, and felt how CHALLENGING it was to do such simple tasks. Me too! I’ve taken courses on habits, followed different “PROVEN” methods. But somewhere deep down it never felt like I was making a progress. And worst, I had no idea why I was torturing myself.

And FINALLY!! all that changed when I had the first ever one-to-one session with someone named “Dharmitra”. I like to consider him one of many mentors I am fortunate to have came across in this lifetime. He suggested a small thing, “using it as a means to an end”. And this series is all about me trying to communicate the same idea to you. And along the way, I’ll share my understanding of habits and methods that I learned, tweaked, and implemented. In this episode, we will explore:

• What and Why of habits
• The misunderstanding
• Goals and habits
• How to approach this series

Let’s dive in.

What and why of habits

What exactly is a habit? and why do we care so much about it? We humans love to portray what we’ve heard and what we believe as THE thing, THE answer. So let’s not ask ourselves such open-ended question as “What is habit and why do we care?”, rather we’ll explore few quick questions. Please take a moment and really see, then answer yourself why.

• Is brushing teeth is a habit?
• Is taking a bath a habit?
• Is cooking a habit?
• Is going to school or Job is a habit?
• Is doing your dishes a habit?
• Is doing groceries a habit?

Now, there must be a reason why you perform these particular activities in regular basis. Whatever those reasons may be, it must be very important to you right? Otherwise you won’t be repeating these activities mindlessly. No matter how small the activity is you’re doing it diligently means you really care about the outcomes. So, is it safe to assume that the things you call a “habit” is simply another name for “things” whose outcomes are important to you? Or in more simpler terms, what you care about is the outcome not the activity itself. If our teeth and gums would clean itself and be healthy always, then who in their right minds will rub their teeth everyday with a miniature version of a toilet brush just for the hell of it? LOL 😜.

The misunderstanding

Now you must be thinking, if habits really are all about outcomes then how do you explain the concept of GOOD and BAD habits? Well, that concept is JUST A CONCEPT. If you don’t believe me, ask a person who is enjoying his 6th glass of Heineken just like everyday. He is enjoying the activity. For him all the worldly problems have disappeared just like a monk. Sadly that does not last until tomorrow. For such person drinking is not a bad habit, it’s a way of life. Yes, these activities come with a heavy price and not-so-great morning, but for those who are willing to accept the outcomes, it’s a good habit.

Jokes aside, we like to pass judgement left, right, and centre about everybody and every action. And from this arises the CONCEPT of “good” and “bad” habits. If we simply look at it, those things that are FOR us, we identify them as a good habits. And those who are against us, we identify them as a bad habits. Here, the “us” part actually represents our identity – our understanding, values, ideologies and so on. If we simply drop this idea of good and bad habits then things get much simpler to process. Yes, we still need to educate our society about the adverse effect of certain activities and do our best to keep those to the minimum. Not because they are bad, just because they have a certain impact on health and harmony of an individual and the society which are not conducive for the growth.

Goals and habits

You see, the basic idea of habits to me boils down to what direction I wanna grow. And the growth does not come easy without goals. When people talk about habits, they totally ignore the goals part. When we’re performing habits for its outcomes, then talking goals first and habit second would be a sensible way, don’t you think? This was the first lesson that made me re-think everything I learned about habits. Because, we’re trying to build GOOD habits when we’re totally unknown about our goals and where we want to be in life. This headless-chicken state means we’re simply wasting our life. And just to give ourselves a fake sense of growth we love to get on this conversation of “how waking up at 5 AM changes your life”, or “how quitting social media benefits us” and blah blah. Yes, there might be some benefits of certain practices or activities that one can perform in daily life, but the question is “WHY DO YOU CARE?”

If we’re not clear about where we want to be, then all these “good” habits and motivations are useless. How do I know? I am living that phase of life, where I have few regrets that I don’t want to repeat again. So, this goals first and habits second method is working for me so far. This basically means, you create a goal – a life that you want to live – and take a very good look at your current situation. You’ll notice there are obvious changes that you need to make to get to that “goal”. Now, those obvious changes will take a form of habits – activities whose outcomes are dear to you. This way we have a more sensible and more efficient daily life. Don’t worry about the details of how to go from “goals” to the “habits”, more posts are on the way where we will dive into those topics. Just keep in mind this thread (Sutra): “Goals first and habits second”.

How to approach this series

The best way of approaching anything varies from person to person. Lately I’ve noticed slowing down a bit before approaching something new helps me a lot. It might sound counterproductive at first, but give it a try. Take few deep breaths, drink a glass of water, if possible stretch your body – your arms, shoulders, back, neck, and wrists – be gentle with the stretching. Stay upright don’t lie down, set aside few minutes to go through the post undisturbed. The whole idea is to be in a state of calm 😌 and clarity. If you have time you can go through the practice of “Upa-Yoga” offered by Sadhguru. Gentle stretching and deep breathing will help you relax and be calm.

You might be thinking “why? can’t I just read it off?”. Of course you can. But, no matter how busy your life is, taking a moment off from the world and recharging won’t bite you. I am simply trying to give you an excuse, to create a calming ambiance for yourself, in a hope that, you get into habit of creating such ambiance which are conducive for your growth.

That’s all for the first episode. I hope to see you here in the upcoming episodes. Stay healthy, stay calm, and stay happy. Bye now.